t h i s . i s . m y . p l a c e .
f o r . l i n k s . c l i c k . o n . i m a g e . t e x t .
t o . v i e w . a r c h i v e s . o r v i e w . u p d a t e d . t a g g y.
a f t e r . c l i c k i n g . t h e . r e s p e c t i v e . l i n k s.
c l i c k . r e f r e s h . b u t t o n.
B e s t . r e s o l u t i o n . i s . 1 0 76 . X . 7 6 8
I . m a d e . t h i s . l a y o u t . s o . i t ' s . o r i g i n a l .
i f . y o u . d o n ' t . l i k e . w h a t . y o u . s e e .
c l i ck . t h e . X . a t . t h e . t o p . r i g h t . h a n d . c o r n e r .
G o D . B l e s s . Y o u
___my
prayers ___my wishlist [+] Creative MuVo Micro N200 512mb
[-] water baptism
[-] family's salvation
[-] christian foundation certificate
[+] Constantine DVD
[+] Canon Ixus I5
[+] Windstruck DvD
[+] Cosmetic
[+] New Phone
[+] Laptop
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
heh.. found something interesting .. my fave flowers and their meanings
Flower Language:
Lavender -> Distrust/ negation
Purple / White Lilac -> First Love
White Violet -> Innocence
Purple violet -> Faithfulness
Baby's Breath -> pure of heart
w i t h . l o v e
6:01 PM
Listening to : Hoobastank - The Reason
had teachers' day celebration today..
one of the performance was put up by the sec 4 girls..
it's really the best ..
not becuz im sec 4 and i sided with them
but really.. the performance was really touching..
i was tearing..
it made me appreciate all the teachers..
underneath that austere expression ..
they care so much for us ..
they sarcrificed so much of their time to help us..
they are the best.. =D
w i t h . l o v e
4:43 PM
Monday, August 30, 2004
group study... eh.. or rather pair study was rather fruitful today..
i actually sat down and finished my amaths hmk..
now now.. since when do u see me actually finishing my amaths hmk?
im so proud of my achievements
haha..
maybe i shld start asking people to my prom..
if they dont have their own..
if they can come..
haha..
if all else fails.. i still got the three dearies..
and i can oogle at the rest of the male creatures in my school..
although... they.. are....so ....un-oogle-able??
haha..
SAJC!!! Here i come!!!
w i t h . l o v e
10:16 PM
The big BANG theory: God spoke and BANG it happened
haha.. that was a nice one
aniwae.. i think im gonna fail humans test again.. cuz i din study again...
blehx..
prelims is 15 days away
i hope a miracle will happen .. somehow i can whip up L1R5 10 points to get into SAJC
goin to mac later to study with my dear / darling / sweetheart / whatever *LoLx*
yay!!! we are officially having a prom nite this year..
although it's held at some orchid country club.. but still it's gonna be memorable
i wonder if we could bring people from other sch to join me
*ponders*
oh yeah.. 15 days.. which means i got 2 days for 1 sub .. haha..
that's great..
God .. i pray that your strength will be with me ..
Give me wisdom to understand...
i Love You~
oh yeah.. big hugs to gabbers and ning for writing letters of encouragements to me
im okie alreadi
this is real
haha
peace out
Loves~
w i t h . l o v e
5:06 PM
Sunday, August 29, 2004
this is BAD!!!
i forgot all about MY LEAVING SCHOOL TESTIMONIAL..
shucks.. which school actually ask their students to write themselves de?
sighx
w i t h . l o v e
5:36 PM
listening to : 25 Mins - MLTR
i logged in to my friendster.. only to see an alert to tell me i had a new testimonial .. i wondered who's so kind to give me one when i didnt ask for it =X .. aniwae.. it's from one of my rather close friends back then in the days i was in lower sec .. i couldnt help but to feel a bit nostalgic .. in those days *blehx.. i sound so old* , it's really so carefree... no worries.. no stress.. i guess.. i was happier back then.. aniwae... i was reading the testimonial.. and it suddenly hits me.. i've changed alot .. and it's alot.. from everything.. im not as cheerful as before.. im not as carefree as before.. im not as laid back as before.. dont get me wrong..im happy cuz i've know the Lord.. but i guess... as time pass by.. as i began to grow older.. more responsibilites are being thrusted to me.. more stress are being generated due to the Os.. how i long for those days.. but i noe...it's never good to dwell in the past..
actually i think.. the best memories of a person's life are from their secondary school days to uni .. not so much of primary school.. 10 years down the road.. i hope to look back to my life.. and find something worthy to keep in my heart.. and i know .. i'll definately will
i juz thank all these people.. for being part of my life.. cuz i noe.. each of them has a part in moulding my character
w i t h . l o v e
5:24 PM
i think .. God is wonderful..
yesterday msg was so good.. and i felt that .. really .. the Lord was speaking to me through the message.. let me share =D
--
Title : Handling Hurts in Life
3 Ways in which People Get Hurt
-> Hurt Physically
-> Hurt Emotionally
-> Hurt Relationally ( this is the most difficult hurt that we can handle)
Who can hurt us relationally?
-> the people closest to us.. when they betrayed us.. they lied to us .. they backstabbed us
how to deal?
-> Give all ur hurts to God , spill out our feelings to God
Ps 34:18
God is closer to us than our very breath when we are broken hearted
6 DONTs in dealing with hurts
1st -> Dont ignore the hurt
The Clint Eastwood Approah -> Acting Macho ..
but..if u ignore the hurt.. you are living in denial..
Dont belittle/minimise it .. or even postpone it..
Hurts dun go away by itself... it will come back and haunt you..
Eg-> A married couple quarrelling.. they alwayz bring back things that happened 20 years ago into the argument...
That's Why !!! Dont ignore the Hurt!!!
2nd -> Dont run from the hurt
The Chicken Approach
Ps 55:6-8
actually.. we are all experts in escaping , when we go to sch we try to RUN away from teachers from giving us too much homework ; when we were young , we tried to RUN away from our parents from giving us household chores ; when we are in church , we try to RUN away from Cellgroup leader from asking us to prayer meetings *i do love prayer meeting though*
Running away from the problem is just like taking a roller coaster ride . Although at certain peaks , you feel good and you feel high , when it ended .. you are back from what you've started.. There's no progress
we have to OVERCOME it!!!
3rd -> Dont hide the hurt
Dont start masquerading in fron of others.. hiding behind the mask
Pro 28:13
We dont like to admit our hurts.. we tried to find other means to make us happy.. to get a new car.. a new phone ..etc
but POSSESSIONS never compensate our hurts
by hiding , it intensify your HURT
Ps 32:3
when you reveal your feelings to another person... it is the beginning of healing..
James 5:15
4th-> Dont worry abt the hurt
what is worry? -> attempt to control something that is uncontrollable
IT DOESNT WORK!!!
Job 5:2
Ps 37:8
PRAY IN FAITH FOR YOUR PROBLEMS
5th-> Dont resent the hurt
dont start having a pity party for yourself
Ps 73 :21-23
resentment will cloud your mind..
you will start blaming God.. asking Him Why does it happen to you? why the rest of the people are happy.. but you , as a child of God , are not
resentment is a emotional toxic
6th -> dont give up
dont throw in the towel.. dun give up!!
holy spirit alwayz lead us to the right path
Ps 130:1-2
Ps 142: 2-3
instead of giving up.. bring it to God
Conclusion-> Sometimes you dont nid answers from God .. all you nid is COMFORTS from God .. look to the POWER beyond ourselves
Jn 16:33
BE OF GOOD CHEER , FOR HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD
---
this is exactly what i went through.. and survived ..
so this is possible.. God gives us alot of chances.. His love for us will never change .. JESUS IS THE SAME YESTERDAY , TODAY and FOREVERMORE
keep smiling =D
i noe i can.. cuz im healing
w i t h . l o v e
8:09 AM
Friday, August 27, 2004
MLTR - 25 MiNutEs
oh sheesh.. im such a lazy bum..
been slping at 8 plus.. 7 plus these few days...
argh!! what's happening to me?
couldnt concentrate in class..
blehx..
this IS bad =(
-------
A song by Garth Brooks:
Just the other night, at a hometown football game
my wife and I ran into my old high school flame.
And as I introduced them, the past came back to me
and I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be;
She was the one that I'd wanted for all time
and each night I'd spend praying that God would make her mine.
And if He'd only grant me this wish I wished back then,
I'd never ask for anything again.....
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talking to the man upstairs
That just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
She wasn't quite the angel, that I'd remembered in my dreams,
And I could tell that time had changed me, in her eyes too it seems
We tried to talk about the old days, wasn't much we could recall;
I guess the Lord knows what he's doing after all
And as she walked away, I looked at my wife,
And then and there I thanked the Good Lord for all the gifts in my life
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talking to the amn upstairs
That just because He doesnt answer doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers...........
-------
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night
in the home of a wealthy family.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels
stay in the mansion's guest room.
Instead the angels were given a small space in
the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the
older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.
When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,
"Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a poor farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple
let the angels sleep in their bed where they could
have a good night's rest.
When the sun came up the next morning the angels
found the farmer and his wife in tears.
Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole
income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the
older angel how could you have let this happen?
The first man had everything, yet you helped him,
she accused.
The second family had little but was willing to
share everything, and you let the cow die.
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older
angel replied.
"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I
noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and
unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the
wall so he wouldn't find it."
"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed,
the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him
the cow instead.
Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things
don't turn out the way they should. If you have
faith, you just need to trust that every out come
is always to your advantage. You just might not
know it until some time later...
----
i had a hard time believing... i doubt God's blessing in my life since the day disappoinments sank in my heart..
i spent time praying.. i spent time studying.. i put in my all .. give in my all..
onli to receive something that i would never recieve..
is this a blessing in disguise?
i dun noe.. i choose not to think the positive way..
i hardened my heart..
i blamed God..
i never wan to understand the reason..
why my prayers were unanswered.. why my efforts didnt pay off..
i refused to listen..
i struggled through these mixed feelings in my heart..
im very tired..
im really tired of acting happy..
im really tired of not feeling happy..
i wan to be released from all this burdens..
i wan to let go..
i wan to give up..
but in that last second.. i held on God..
my spirit is willing.. my sinful nature is not..
actions that contradicts..
words that are ironic..
im sick of myself..
i begun to hate me..
i felt that all my dreams and desires were crashed since that fateful day..
i refused to let go of my hurts
i dwelt in it..
hurts begun to multiply themselves..
up to the point that im so negative..
still i hide it all in me..
i kept on thinkin..
i cant visualize my future
it seems so dark..
i cant break through this emotion hurdle
i closed up..
i seemed far off..
questions started to pile up right in front of me..
im sick of answering..
i never made the decision to be happy..
i dunno what i wan in my life animore
i choose to run away..
i escape from all this
i live in illusions..
i cudnt think there can be anithing good happening to myself..
one day...
i saw this quote..
" when you are at the bottom of the valley... the onli way u can go is up"
the first thing that came to my mind was..
alternative option is to stay there forever..
i guess.. God is wonderful..
even when i doubted Him.. i blamed Him .. i hated Him..
He still loves me the same , yesterday , today and forevermore..
i Thank God for this word..
i noe it came from You
w i t h . l o v e
5:58 PM
Thursday, August 26, 2004
listening : Jet - Are you gonna be my girl
was released at 4pm .. had to wait for gabbie until 4:20..
haha.. today is Alvin's birthday..
so he win liao lor.. recieved a bouquet of flowers from two girls ..
got sunflower.. got baby breath's and another..
haha
gab . ning and the rest *including me* were teasing him non-stop
aniwae.. after english self study.. gab and i went to cwp .. her cd has arrived..
haha..
i cud almost see bubbles of joy coming out of her head =X
aniwae.. on the way there.. we saw this couple...
the guy is a poser..
trying to act like ACS people..
but ACS people are more zhai , more shuai , more cool...
unlike the poser..
we were talking.. suddenly that poser turned around and diao me..
i was innocent lor..
we were jus talking about ACS people..
dunno what's that guy problem..
haha.. gab diao him too..
aniwae... saw moose on the way home
blehx.. nid to finish the whole chinese zuo ye.. this sucks..
im turning into a full fledged schizophrenic..
i could stare in the space . den next moment i could laugh non stop..
i think i nid a psychiatrist
w i t h . l o v e
5:52 PM
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
listening : counting crows - accidentally in love
my current fave song =D
So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love
Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love
So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love
Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love
These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no
Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love
Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love [x7]
Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally [x2]
Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her
Love ...I'm in love
w i t h . l o v e
6:48 PM
mock exam was .. bad.. haha
aniwae .. it was very cold.. then gab and ning suggested that we should take a taxi
so we waited..
saw one taxi.. flagged for it
it stop a few metres away..
for a young couple..
so ... students cant take taxi hor..
so .. students cant afford it lah..
obnoxious taxi driver..
in the end.. we had to wait for another bus .. as the first was packed..
we got down at sun plaza to take train..
we saw this OLD woman.. with dyed blonde hair.. wearing short shorts and sleeveless..
that fitted gab's description of lao chio =X
haha..
yeah.. gab was anxious to get down the train..
when the train was about to reach woodlands
she jus rushed in front
and then the train jerked..
she tripped on a guy's leg..
banged on the glass panel =X
it's a pretty funni sight.
but i wun be bad to gloat over it =X
haha...
was doing amaths at 5 am today
surprisingly .. i managed to finish all questions in half an hour time..
haha..
im getting smarter..
aniwae.. i failed humans test..
it's on UN .. haha.. have to retest bahz..
chinese tomorrow..
what a drag
i've onli attended like 1 lesson..
next week test the whole book...
unreasonable..
haiz..
it's really time consuming...
heck.. where is my A1...
w i t h . l o v e
6:07 PM
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
grrr.. looks like Gab has learnt the art of annoying people =X
she has been irritating me with the song King Of Majesty
not that i dun like that song.. i mean.. i love it
but.. it gets irritating after someone has been repeatedly singing to you =X
haha..
aniwae..
Gab is crazy over that song.. and Hillsong United..
has been telling ning to ignore her =X
tml got emath mock
pretty worried
todae someone broke down totally in class..
i was shocked
she juz kept on crying..
STRESSS..
oops..
aniwae.. after sch today.. i was calling home while walking along the corridors
den one teacher walked out of one of the empty classrooms and saw me talking on the phone
i merely smiled at him and returned to my conversation
haha..
he didnt confiscate my phone
PTL =X
w i t h . l o v e
5:44 PM
Monday, August 23, 2004
blehx.. been "daydreaming" these few days..
alwayz had that far away look on my fave..
haiz..
feeling more and more tired ...
im drying up..
im not happy..
im really not happy..
i sought ways to cheer myself up
but i couldnt ..
i wouldnt..
drowned in self pity
really..
i think.. im hopeless..
w i t h . l o v e
5:23 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2004
I asked God to take away my pain. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No, patience is a by-product of tribulations, it isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me. God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
w i t h . l o v e
6:47 PM
Top 10 thingsi hate
i hate it when people set guilt traps on me
i hate it when people are disappointed in me
i hate it when i dun live up to people's expectation of me
i hate it most when i dun live up to MY OWN expectation
i hate it when people sae sorry to me
i also hate it when people did something wrong but they did not admit
i hate it when people did nothing wrong still they believe they had
i hate it when everyone start asking me if im alright
i hate it when i have to tell people im alright when im not to stop more questions from coming my way
i hate me
w i t h . l o v e
2:49 PM
Message: Jun & Jen were a pair of young
couple... Jun was
veri charming & many girls could`t help falling
in
love with him... therefore, he became quite a
flirt.
As for Jen, she was an ordinary girl with
average
looks. Although there were quite a number of
guys chasing her, jen only had Jun in her heart.
altought She knew that one day Jun would
eventually leave her. she still continued to
love him
whole heartedly...
Jen loves rainy days...she loves playing in the
rain,
& whenever Jun wanted to join her, she'll always
stop him from joinin.
Jun then ask her; Why don't you let me join you?
Jen replied;Err..er..because i don't want you to
fall
sick.
Jun then ask her again;If playing in the rain
will
make me fall sick, then why are you still doing
it?
But each time Jen will always keep quiet & smile
at him...
Although Jun was`t able to join her, he felt
happy.
To him, as long as Jen was happy, he'll be happy
as well. =)
However, nothin last long... Jun soon fell for
another girl after two months. He even love the
girl
more deeply den he love jen
One day, while Jun & Jen were having their
dinner,
Jun told Jen that this would be their last dinner
together... Jen looked at him. She knew dat this
was going to happen, but she choose not to ask
any farther...Jun then requested for a break
up..
And Jen...she accepted willingly... partly
because,
she knew...Jun was just like the wind...never
stop
at any point.
That night..it was to be the last time Jun send
Jen home.. Jen kept veri quiet...although deep
down she wanted to know the reasons but she
choose not to ask. Just when Jen was about to
step into the lift, Jun stop her. He said:Jen,
I'm
really sorry that i've let you down. But i'll
never
forget those days when i see you playing in the
rain...those are the most happy & unforgottable
memories i had with you
After listening to Jun, Jen could't help it but
cried..
Jun hugged her tightly. He said:Jen, There's
one question i wanted to ask you long ago...
Why is it everytime when you are playing in the
rain, you just would`t allow me to accompany you?
Jen was stunned..
pausing for a few seconds,
Jen replied...
Because...
Because i don't wish to let you know...
I was crying..
w i t h . l o v e
1:55 PM
blehx
ha
he
ho
la
le
lo
ma
me
mo
cant figure it out?
neither can i
w i t h . l o v e
1:15 PM
my flactuating moods got worse..
i dunno what im doing animore
sometimes i m happy..
sometimes i m not
sometimes i wan to alone
sometimes i wan to be with crowds
sometimes i just wan to talk to someone
but words cant get out
alot of feelings oppressed in my heart
it cant get out
or perhaps
im not willing..
still..
it is slowly killing me..
but im not doing anithing about it..
just let it kills me.
w i t h . l o v e
12:40 AM
Friday, August 20, 2004
i totally believe that my fingers are swelling .. i cud see it screaming and bubbling .. red smoke coming out..
so.. i took a break.. and continue to play guitar later on
haha.. went home with gab today
shared with her my ideas of making fun of people .. =X
for more details.. click here
yeah.. i actually did some of the stuffs to my friends...
hahahaha...
was making up " Oh Gabbie" Melody today..
a great success..
as usual.. my tactics alwayz able to irritate dear Gabbie..
Oh~ My SweeTiE PiE`
oH~ mY DaRliNgx
Oh~ gabBbiE
OH GAbbIE
Oh GABBIE
hmm...
i shld try a new one on her tml when she come for svc
Gab:
REM to bring digi cam..
w i t h . l o v e
3:48 PM
listening - ShE - Wu Ke Qu Dai
ahhhhh.. i got scolded by that man in the music school shop at causeway point yesterday.. his tone is so infuriating .. arGh
singing for service this week..
heheh... it's great privilege to share the same stage as them.. MUAHAHAHA.
actualy i got alot to blog.. but now is not the time..
so yeah.. check back later..
w i t h . l o v e
2:41 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
haha..
took that for fun
u must be kidding.. i dun go pool... not animore..
yeah.. i do like to read subtitles from movies =X
w i t h . l o v e
6:19 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
oh gosh..
todae i was hyper during maths self study
every questions i did seem so easy
MUAHAHAHAH
nora is back...
the drive is back =X
at least.. there's someone else pushing me towards A1...
blehx..
goin choir prac later
hope to see someone
hahah..
=X
w i t h . l o v e
5:12 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
blehx.. woke up after a series of sms-es being sent to me -.-''
actually intended to wake up at 2 am to study
but it failed.. since people alwayz like to sms me onli when i fell asleep
seems that everything i try recently failed pathetically..
perhaps .. if i dun try at all.. it mite turn out rite
*reverse psychology*
aniwae.. going to choir prac tml..
im gonna sing for service three..
muahahaahhaha
w i t h . l o v e
11:25 PM
after several attempts to stop myself from blogging , i failed miserably..
so here i am *again* to update about my life*if i got one*
here.. here's my prelims schedule
15/09/2004 (Wed) - Physics [ Practical ]
16/09/2004 (Thu) - Chemistry [ Practical ]
17/09/2004 (Fri) - EL Paper 1 and 2
20/09/2004 (Mon) - POA Paper 2 and Chinese Paper 1 *shunks*
21/09/2004 (Tue) - Emath Paper 1 and Social Studies *crap*
22/09/2004 (Wed) - Amaths Paper 2 and Chinese Paper 2 *rolling my eyes*
23/09/2004 (Thu) - Emaths Paper 2 and History
24/09/2004 (Fri) - Chemistry Paper 2
27/09/2004 (Mon) - Physics Paper 2
28/09/2004 (Tue) - Amaths Paper 1 and Physics Paper 2
29/09/2004 (Wed) - POA Paper 1 *at last*
when normal students only have to take 7 subjects.. i have to take 8 ..
why ? becuz i got a B3 for chinese
argh..
perhaps if i could stop myself from racking my brains over the different possibilities why i din get an A1
i could actually start some sensible and practical self studying
that is .. if i could
however i hope ..
this torture is ephemeral..
if not..
i dunno what i would do..
aniwae..
had fun taunting Leong Han today..
and once again.. chinese sucks becuz.. i din get an A1
*boo*
w i t h . l o v e
5:33 PM
ahhh... friendster is lagging..
here i am.. blogging at 5:22 AM ..
so early? why?
becuz i slept from 5:30pm yesterday till 5 today..
and i haven done ani hmk..
guess i was too upset to stay awake yesterday..
gtg.. juz to update ..
oh yeah.. blog on hiatus .. so dun bother to check this blog animore ...=X
w i t h . l o v e
5:15 AM
Sunday, August 15, 2004
this anxiety is killing me
tml is english oral le
heard that the examiners very disrespectful de
somemore very blur
still cannot adapt to the new syallabus style of asking questions
miss haslinda still sae.. if they ask an old syallabus question
please alert mrs thong
why izzit alwayz our year suffers from all these nonsense
haiz..
blehx..
im not happy..
w i t h . l o v e
1:13 PM
went to church today
initially was overwhelmed..
cuz.. i had to take care of two new friends.. *not mine* when im spiritually down
so i tried to act happy
after the rest reached church
i retreated into my world
during service..
cudnt sense God..
becuz i refused to .. i guess
after svc.. tried to hide from leaders..
after that..
i went into thinking mode..
everything was so messed up..
i encouraged myself and discouraged myself AT THE SAME TIME
i told myself to be strong.. and i told myself to give up AT THE SAME TIME
i decided to stay..
a decision i've chosen..
to trust God once again..
i dunno why i made this decision..
but i think.. somehow this is God's doing..
why?
when i tht of backsliding..
suddenly a number of people starting popping up in my life to talk about God
when usually they dun even talk to me..
so .. now... if this is not of God.. who is it oF?
i guess.. i nid to get up..
run the race..
keep the faith..
im totally at lost when i realised my o lvl result was a B3
it must be the stupid devil..
but i blamed God..
now.. Im a fool..
so now.. im no longer a fool..
so i shall trust God again..
w i t h . l o v e
12:13 AM
Friday, August 13, 2004
gab sent this to me..
Have not heard from u for a long time..
Have u forgotten me?
i hope not cos i long to have a good look at u..
my child, come to Me and I shall Give u Rest
..God
im like sitting on a fence
leaning towards here.. leaning towards there
im so confused
i no longer noe what i wan
what i am
what i hope to achieve
i guess the result impacted me too much
so much dat i have totally lost my vision in life
so much dat im totally given up hope on myself...
yet to come to a decision
i contradict myself all the time..
sighx
w i t h . l o v e
10:46 PM
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w i t h . l o v e
5:51 PM
oops.. i change url again..
feeling better today.. since i had no choice but to retake chinese.. on a happier note.. im glad that my teacher is shocked that i got a B3 .. instead of an A1 as expected.. she has the faith in me.. that i can/will/shall get A1 on my second choice.. this meant alot to me.. it is becuz of her.. dat i wan to retake chinese.. well.. the compulsory tag is added behind my name .. but .. the one teaching is not her.. so .. now im like.. stuck in between with no way out..
nobody owes me a living.. that's so true.. like the NE msg.. nobody owes Singapore a living.. how true .. how true.. aniwae.. my sch got 72% distinction.. which is higher then 28.6% of national avg.. im really glad for those who made it..
that doesnt mean im still not hurt over my result.. this is by far.. the MOST PATHETIC result i have ever gotten for Chinese.. sometimes.. i suprise myself.. it hurts so much.. the efforts.. all the time i had put in my chinese resulted in a B3..
i must get over this QUICK.. cuz im having my english oral on Monday .. and i cant afford to go in this condition..
w i t h . l o v e
2:27 PM
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